Sandy has a new boyfriend. She’s overjoyed with excitement, since she’s found someone who’s willing tolerate her overbearing and at times annoying ways. She wants to share the news on social media, so her worthiness as a functioning human being would be verified.
What she does is posts photos, as the “comments” and “likes” stream in, which makes her feel relevant.
What some wonder is why she would even bother broadcasting her private life on such a public forum. Can’t she just keep it to herself.
The reason for her doing so is what’s known as “attachment theory,” where for some, there’s a need to share, display their profile with others, to verify their self-esteem.
What exists for some, is the basic human need to be verified by others, this to help them know, so they could process what they’re thinking and feeling.
This sense of recognition from others, is the process on how they’re able further communicate to themselves and everyone else. This is necessary for healthy psychological functioning.
Look At Me Dammit
There are some however, and you know who you are, who crosses the line seeking this self-adoration, which can be painful to witness, this in the attempts to become social media darlings.
There are emotional undercurrents associated with this obsessive behaviour, to have others verify and hopefully adore them.
This goes back to their childhood, where they needed to be the centre of attention, so everyone could see firsthand how special, important, or better they were than everyone else.
Because I’m More Important Than You
The behaviour that’s linked to these demands, appears to be a person who’s insecure and self-centred. What experts claim as being narcissistic.
Narcissistic traits is what turns off many once they see it in others. So we hate to think it’s a part of our own personal makeup.
What many don’t want and will do anything to avoid, is being labelled as a narcissist, as it’s considered one of the most undesirable human traits.
What’s not realized however, is narcissism can be a healthy behaviour, provided it’s not taken to extreme.
Crossing The Line Into Narcissism
Moderate healthy narcissism is the foundation of expressing self love, which is confidence, provided it’s not totally self-centred or completely selfless.
What displays of healthy self-love does is allows us to balance meeting our needs, with the needs of others.
What’s known is sharing with others, who may be going through something that’s similar to our own experiences, can do is enhance the pleasure of the moment.
Although sharing extraordinary experiences with someone can make us feel better, they can also interfere with our ability to connect with them.
This can occur once someone hasn’t had similar life experiences, such as someone sharing pictures of their grandchild on social media to those who doesn’t have children.
But I Don’t Want To Be Narcissistic
Instead of your friends admiring how special you are, what they might feel instead is left out.
Or they will become disconnected from who you are, and your situation altogether.
What you’re wanting is acknowledgement, your back patted, for something that makes you feel special or stand out.
But doing so might instead leave others feeling worse about themselves, as all they want is you to just share a bonding experience with them.
Does this mean you should stop sharing all those special moments or achievements in your life?
If you currently have something wonderful going on such as a vacation, should you stop telling everyone?
If you did happen to share these moments, does that still make you a narcissist?
Narcissism Is A Natural Human Trait
What everyone needs is a boost of confidence which is completely normal.
Having these tendencies, the need to display yourself at all times, also doesn’t define you as being a narcissist.
The clinical diagnosis when it comes to someone being narcissistic, is defined as “pervasive grandiosity.” The need for constant admiration while having a complete lack of empathy.
Narcissistic needs doesn’t make you a narcissist, provided you remember others also have needs, and everyone has their own opinions as well.
Finding a good balance when it comes to your needs, and the needs of others, is the definition of friendship.
To Share With Empathy
What Sandy found was a solution to her problem. What she also wanted was to share her excitement with others on social media, to her best friends.
She realized she just simply needed to find a better way of framing her feelings to others, so they won’t feel left out of the moment.
So how could she share her experience with them, without making them feel unhappy, left out, or inferior.
What she did was thought about all the ways she and her friends had previously been, and how they remain connected.
She also made sense to the reality, of some of the unpleasant things they were feeling.
She realized some of the natural responses to her excitement, might be sadness, jealousy, hopelessness, or longing.
I Know How You Feel
So instead of just constantly broadcasting what you’re currently doing or done, also share some of your disappointments, pains, and the discomforts you’ve experienced.
Once recognizing this is a balance you need to maintain, what you’ll find is not needing to constantly go on about how great your life is.
So if this is you, sure, share your experiences, but also pay attention to what’s meaningful with others as well. Take the focus off yourself.
What’s perhaps more important, is having the capacity to share their experiences as well, which will bring you greater pleasure than insisting everyone admire yours.